Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Blog Disatisfaction

So about a two months ago was Armchair BEA, which was super fun. There's a day where you talk about your blog and blogging, which I notably didn't post for. Because I froze up after coming to this slightly disconcerting realisation: I am getting sick of looking at my own blog. I'm just very... not happy with it right now. I don't like looking at it.

The thing is, I can't really tell if it's the BLOG that I'm annoyed with, or BLOGGING that I'm annoyed with. I've been blogging so long- I've only been here for four years, but I've had a blog more or less since I started high school at the age of 13- (maybe that doesn't seem long, but it's over a quarter of my life, so it feels like a long time). I can't tell if I'm still doing this because I like it, or if it's because I don't like change and I'm kind of afraid to stop.

Part of it is that I tend to hit low points where I'm just not really very motivated. I've talked about that, and they're usually followed by periods where I'm pretty intensely creative for a day or two. I've accepted that I'm not necessarily a naturally creative creature, and that my motivation is going to wax and wane unpredictably. But the down periods seem to be happening more and more often, and happening for longer and longer. And that's just been very frustrating.

Another part is that a lot of my life feels like a holding pattern right now, including the blog.

I've just stopped looking forward to book blogging. The issue is mostly that I kind of don't care about my opinions on books anymore. I just... don't want to bother writing them down. I don't care about them enough, and I don't think its reasonable to expect anyone else to. So I'm kind of on hiatus for a while, with the exception of a few reviews.